because I’m worth it…

I’ve just signed up to Michelle Bridges 12week Body Transformation- or 12WBT as those of us in the know refer to it.

This is a proven program, yet still an interesting decision for me for a number of reasons:

  • I actually do know what I need to be eating
  • I actually do know how I need to be training
  • I’m not really into “following” anyone and as deeply as I respect Michelle Bridges I don’t do the guru thing.
  • I like to do things my way.
  • I have problems accepting help.

The thing is, doing things my way isn’t really working for me.

There is a difference between what I should be doing and what I could be doing.

It’s that simple.

I’m now just a week or so away from finishing the first draft of my book Are Your Planets Keeping You Fat? I’ve done the exercises, I know where my trigger points are. Now I’m doing something about it.

Certain aspects in my chart provide an almost rebellious urge to do things on my own, yet I know that the best way for me to achieve goals is by reaching out for some help and engaging in competition.

In the past I have see-sawed too far in either direction- either stubbornly resisting all help or completely handing across all responsibility to someone else. I haven’t found that middle balance point- that point where I can use my knowledge and access resources and support provided by someone else. That point where I take full responsibility for myself.

This program allows that. There is sufficient flexibility for me to swap meals that aren’t to my taste with those of a similar nutritional value that are. I’m a cookbook queen and a creative cook, so I like that. It is my responsibility to use the guidelines provided and fit my daily calorie intake within it.

There is also the flexibility to choose how I train- outdoors, gym machines, gym classes. The onus is on me to maximise my training- just turning up won’t be good enough.

Likewise I can choose to join or not to join- the forums are there for support. It’s entirely up to me how much I use.

The biggest reason I signed up is these 4 words: Focus, Commitment, Boundaries and Self-Respect. I am incredibly Piscean, and one of Pisces great strengths is to transcend boundaries. Another is our imagination and ability to create fantasy. This also means, however, that my ability to delude myself knows no bounds. As for boundaries? I have none. I can literally forget what it is that I am supposed to be doing as I swim happily off in the opposite direction.

I’ve never had this issue at work. I’ve always achieved whatever was set, but again that see-saw comes into play. I’m tightly controlled at work, so once I’m not in that environment, all the boundaries come down.

This is why when I was in the office my choices were good- because they were part of the work day. I would come home and undo all the good I had done. Now my home is my office and the boundary blurring is quite simply way too much.

Commitment is another thing. I keep mine…to everyone except myself. I take pride in the fact that I never let anyone else down. I let me down all the time. I don’t care enough about me. I don’t care enough about what is important to me. Somewhere inside me is a voice that still asks “are you sure you’re good enough?” or “are you sure you’re worth it?”

It’s that fear, the fear that maybe I’m not good enough, that is why my chick lit novel is back in the drawer- despite a great reception from a judging panel. It’s also why I’ve delayed finishing Are Your Planets Keeping You Fat?  Even though I have a publisher who has said they could be interested. I’m scared.

I want this. All of it. I really want it.

Losing weight is no longer something that I should do, or something I need to do. It’s no longer something that I dream about. It’s something that I want to do.

I am worth it. I can do it. My goals are a million times more important than any of my previous corporate goals were.

It’s now time to leap out of my comfort zone into something new. I’m ready to accept help, I’m ready to accept competition and I’m ready to face my fears.

I’m now ready to walk my talk.

Categories: My Journey

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