letting go…

I have a confession to make- I always read the last page of a novel. Always.

I say that it is so that I can make an informed decision about whether or not to commit to the other 3 or 400 odd pages. I also have commitment issues.

I like to know things like:

  • If the dog dies
  • If the kid isn’t found safe and well
  • If the heroine ends up shagging the wrong guy.

If the back page indicates any of these things happening, I’m out of there. So, I’d hate to get to page 391 to find that the ending is completely unsatisfactory- my time and money could have been better spent.

I do the same with tv shows and movies- if I can. I’ll tape things like Masterchef or Biggest Loser so that I can watch them after I know the result.

When I’m watching anything that has previously aired in the US or Britain, I’ll google for spoilers.

It’s a control thing. Knowing helps me control my feelings towards whatever it is that I’m watching or reading.

In truth it’s one of the reasons that I did Change and Project Management in my corporate life. When you’re managing the change or the project, you have access to the information. And if you have access to the information you can control your reaction to whatever the change is. Knowledge is power.

Hell, I even refused drugs in childbirth- I figured that while I could still feel I could function, and if I could function I could convince myself (yes, I was delusional) that I had some control over proceedings. The truth is I feared loss of control more than I feared the pain.

It’s one of the reasons I learned horary and tarot- so that I felt that could give me more control.

This is all classic Pluto behaviour- more commonly found in Scorpio, especially the Scorpio Moon, but also in charts where the personal planets aspect Pluto- especially in hard aspect.

The thing is, Pluto brings amazing potential to achieve great things- but with the hard aspects, you are more likely to go into shadow Pluto or Scorpio behaviour as resistance against making the changes you need to make. And generally Pluto changes require elimination of something that you are desperately hanging on to- even though it does you no good.

If you do have Pluto making a hard aspect to the Sun, Moon or Ascendant or you are a Scorpio and you have a weight problem, the weight is usually representative of whatever it is that you need to let go of. You carry it as a physical burden. The clue is in the house position of Pluto.

In any case, a good start is letting go of what you can’t control.

As part of my quest to live without goals and address a habit a week, this week I’ve been trying to let go of what I can’t control. To breathe through delays, to resist reading the last page.

I’ve made this more of a challenge by reading books where the ending is not at all predictable…and I’ve read it in print. And enjoyed it so much more. It’s been a little like free falling, giving permission to let go.

Operation let go is go.

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Categories: Habits, My Journey

Tags: , , ,

3 replies

  1. Can also confess that in the past I’ve been guilty of looking at the last page of a book, but with me its due to impatience – I guess what I think will happen so I’ve done it to see if I’m right. Natally, I have both Moon and Ascendant square Pluto, leading me to wonder not only about my weight, but whether I’m currently in the midst of a Pluto square? Fab post Jo, as always.

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